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My Pregnancy Story - 2nd Trimester

First trimester was over, and I can exactly recall when I knew that morning sickness was now only a bad memory. Martijn just made coffee, I walked in the kitchen and without even realising it I went, "hmm, smells like good coffee", after saying we both kind of freeze. I was like OMG! I said, it smells like good coffee! We were so happy that
it was not making sick anymore since I could not stand the smell of anything strong.

From there on, it got better and better. I could eat again and give way to my cravings. It was good as well to feel better about the whole miscarriage thing. Our baby was safe (we did not know till the 6th month if it was a girl or a boy). My life was really busy then, I was working, I had dutch classes and just being busy with church and chores and running the household. Dealing with the fatigue everyday was pretty hard. I am normally a very energetic person, always doing something, having my own little projects, but being pregnant and just sore all the time was not nice. I was really wondering what the second trimester had stored for me.

Okay, let me put it out there! You Do get a boost of libido in the second trimester! At least it was true for me. Finally, the ladies could have some fun after 3 months of excruciating pain. The whole experience (sex) was better. You think the first times you discover the glory of sex is the best since it's like having bacon for the first time - well get pregnant! it's bacon to another level. To narrow it down though, I think it is because you just feel better in your skin (for some weird reason). I felt more confident, sexy...basically I felt like I was the best at this business.

After that, it hits end of the 5th month, beginning of 6th month and one day I woke up and realised that I could not do my job anymore. Going to school was hard. I pressed on, obviously, we needed the money having a baby on the way was not the perfect time to quit - not that I could even if I wanted to. We thought it would get better, that it was just my hormones playing tricks on me for a little while. It actually got worse, I started getting depressed, going to work in the morning would be tears and more tears. My performance at work got real bad, and around that period they were reevaluating people's performance at work, which brought more stress upon me. I talked to my work agency, and they told me that it is near impossible for them to find me another job.
I mean who's gonna hire a 6 months pregnant woman?  Martijn and I decided to get tight and I took 2 weeks off - hoping that the rest would restore things. During that period my agency suggested that I don't come back and that maybe going to the doctor and be declared inapt to work would be my best options. So we did that and it was official, I had antenatal depression.

It was hard,this is not how I pictured my pregnancy and it really felt like I was failing at this whole motherhood thing already and I was ashamed. How do you tell people you ain't working because you are depress?? - Some people might even think that I came up with that bull so that I won't have to work anymore, while I was actually devastated not to be able to work anymore and having to rely on some system to put food on the table.

Anyhow, I got great support from friends and hubby was amazeballs!! It took couple of months but it eventually got better around the end of 7th months. Neither the doctor nor I judged it was wise for me to go back to my job. If you ever worked in a call center you know where I'm coming from! Having people swearing at you, yelling and having 80 calls on the hold the whole time was not a healthy place to be as a pregnant woman. I was sad and relieve not to have to go back anymore.

With love from Mel...

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